, and, what is it that fear looks like to you

by Scott Brabson

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A compilation of home-recorded demos from 2008-2012, warts and all, at the bequest of an old friend.


released October 27, 2013

Clint Shaw, main vox on Mightiest of Guns
Ryan Honaker, recording and production on Sivvy



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Scott Brabson Denver, Colorado

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Track Name: Bird
Lovesick bird
bears his burden to the mass,
Sings his song
to anyone who will listen back

He sings his song
with his heart on his tongue,
with a faded photograph in his sock
They’ll walk by
with X’s on their eyes
green back tethers beckon them to walk

When did you get your wings clipped?

Could you love someone new?
One who’ll hold you through the night
Forget the past,
forward motion puts history behind

She sings her song
with her heart on her tongue
She’s waiting
in hope of a response
But you’ll stand by
with your arms tucked by your sides
because a ghost has claimed a place in your thoughts

And a ghost says “oooooo...”

He sings his song
with his heart on his tongue
a faded photograph in his sock
He’ll let love walk by
a hundred thousand times
and the memory will never let him stop
Track Name: Via Negativa
for being nothing but
the stories of
a simpler man
your absence
has left its mark

now the Mariana
has nothing on
this trench your flight
did rend when you were ripped
from my life

would i be foolish to
think that you miss me
Would it be sad
if i still held to this thread
my knees grow weak with
science and history
oh i still hear the words
you never even said

the arrogance
the space you left
i see sideways
and pass out with
a curse on my lips

gilded pages
and a golden light
you were a crutch but
i'm weak, and your fake
was enough
Track Name: Sivvy
My heart was ripe
for the picking that night
when you rolled through
My blood still yearns for you
no matter what I do

Now I’m trying my best
but my synapses
won’t reconnect
I feel like a sinking ship
and you’re the ocean pouring in

She cut her teeth on poison lips
Let her drink water from the sea
Her pale face turns red with shame
Pulls the waves from deep beneath
From within you and me
And the distance that lies between

A dying fig tree
a Book of poetry
Jesus Christ
Did Sylvia Plath get it right
when she blew out a pilot light?

She cut her teeth on poison lips
Let her drink water from the sea
Her pale face turns red with shame
Pulls the waves from deep beneath

Cut her sails boys and let her drift
Let the sun take its toll and crack her skin
A white whale and my god damned life
Turn all my bread to flesh and all my blood to wine
Until these veins run dry I’ll sit and abide my time

A mother’s tit
the baby’s fit
when it runs dry
Some things were just meant for a time
When did ours pass by?
Track Name: Babushka
Russian nesting dolls
we've become
a quiet cloistering
ad nauseum

A new haircut
something I said
the colors that fled when I didn't listen
do you love me at all?

His words were a thin thatched roof
that let in the rain
when June fell from your body
and into the grave

The birds changed their songs
the leaves in the wind
the crack in your voice
a despondent choice
and a longing to fall

Oh god, oh god, oh god the pain
he will, he will, he will not be late
and that's where we left this
on the flood plains of Maine

Suddenly from the green that surrounds you
something has gone
guilt calls from your motel dresser
St. Gideon

He grasped your hair
and buckled with shame
you said I'll explain
no I swear I'll explain
just not today

Oh god, oh god, oh god the pain
penance, penance, penance I must pay
a picture, a picture, a picture of her
will live in my sock drawer
until the day

and that's where she'll stay
until I'm over this one day
Track Name: Brand New Colony (cover)
I'll be the grapes fermented
Bottled and served with the table set
In my finest suit, like a perfect gentleman

I'll be the fire escape
That's bolted to the ancient brick
Where you will sit and contemplate your day

I'll be the waterwings
That save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink

I'll be the phonograph
That plays your favorite albums back
As you're lying there, drifting off to sleep

I'll be the platform shoes
And undo what heredity's done to you
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes

I'll be your winter coat
Buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch cold

I want to take you far
From the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut our bodies free
From the tethers of this scene
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change
We'll give ourselves new names
(Identities erased)
The sun will heat the ground
Under our bare feet
In this brand new colony

Everything will change
Track Name: Our Love Was Right
should the lord decide my time has come
until my dying breath
I will hold this moment

Where we exchanged
our rings and said
I will love you till death
I will love you till death

Should I leave your
arms in the night
I know our love was right
Should I pass
after a vicious fight
I know our love was right

I'd urge you not to follow suit
though god knows that I'd miss you
there's those here that need you too

but one day our ashes will mix
and they'll tell stories of us
through leather-bound photo albums

Should I leave your
arms in the night
I know our love was right
Should I pass
after a vicious fight
I know our love was right

If you try and leave
before me
I'll be hot on your heels
when that hole opens up
and pulls us in
there'll be nothing to fear
we'll pay Charon's toll
and he'll ferry us
across a river of black
we'll face the darkness
with a warmth we'll hold in our hands
Track Name: Mightiest of Guns (cover)
You see the Sunday birds swinging low ,
and a fever in your brain only grows
and the murder boys are running down the street ,
you can see 'em from the window from your seat
Hear the sound of the mightiest of guns

And the shadows go like ghosts across your room ,
oh, take the world and burn it in a spoon
A mercy ship to sail you off to sleep ,
to where the crimson angels swim the deep
there is no hiding from the mightiest of guns

worth every breath you drink in the night ,
you won't give up your blue without a fight
And looking at the sky there is no pain ,
see the stars all falling down like burning rain ,
they were fired by the mightiest of guns

Tomorrow i'll be out of my mind ,
the bear will dance and the organ will grind
And i'm laughin cause i know there ain't no sin
All the world on a head of a pin
Turning fast beneath the mightiest of guns .
Turning fast beneath the mightiest of guns .
Track Name: Epilogue
Is this what life will be
A chase, a footrace
against the things
that I once dreamed
the things that I need
to feel complete
Track Name: Them Woods Be Haunted
if the bravery finds you
would you take it upon yourself
to find me through

cut a path through the dark wood
you'll find me
ducking beneath the trees

that well broke me in two
now there's grass that I
run my fingers through

they say that grown men don't cry
but even the dead,
they did that night
Track Name: Merchant Marine
a squalid economic wind blew you
off the coast of Seoul into
the grip of the US marines
saw things you'd thought you'd never see

and you missed your wife
and the tales she told at night
and the cadence call
with your ear against her heart

and she prayed for your safe return

the tempest forged you into something new
did things thought you'd never do
bar fight you just escaped but lost your site
the water took more than it gave

an albatross
lead us in the dark
it died on deck
we all mourned its death
still Neptune raged
showed us no mercy that day
a siren's song
that you knew all along

still you prayed for my safe return

merchant marine
the troubles that you've seen
through stormy seas
to the shore
the curse you carried
when st. elmo breathed
a fire around your head

you're bringing home
ghosts and siren's songs
that sing for you
in the night
and demand
no less than
a shoving match
and an empty glass

the fights we held onto
would destroy me and you
(this was supposed to be different)
Track Name: I do, adieu
up early this morning
to chase off the lies
and gather the pieces
I made in the night

I'm a shameful ghost
watching you dream
lungs trapped in my chest
because I want you to sleep

said you're a fool with a fool's past
you can't reconcile
a green land gone squalid
emotions you can't rile
in a room all alone
you rob graves and divine bones
and use writers and poets
because you can't make your own

I agree with you

I give credence to whispers
that pray on my mind
spooling darkness
I can't seem to unwind

I flew off the handle
when you mentioned this
now I've used all my time up
and I've got nothing left

You're pregnant with the demons
you won't exorcise
skeletons you dance with
but won't look in the eyes
oh you're dripping with passion
but you grimace the sighs
your poison misspent
when it's you you despise

I agree with you

I keep making faces
of patterns on walls
you hold me and tell me
that I'm tired and that's all

that this can be good
that we can go away
that whoever lauded
being afraid

I agree with you